Everyone has their fair share of embarrassing moments throughout their lives. I feel as though I’ve had those moments and then some. I always tell my family and friends, if my life were to be turned into a movie, it would be something like a tragic-romantic-comedy, well minus a significant amount of romance. It was really hard for me to come up with only 10 embarrassing moments to share with all of you, but I will tell you… These are the best of the best. Enjoy!
- I Used to be a Parrot. When I was growing up, I went to daycare at a friend of my moms. She probably had around 5 or 6 of us little ones running around and playing. Everyday, when my mom picked me up, she would ask me what I learned that day. On one particular day, I told my mom that Bam-Bam (who calls their child Bam-Bam, I’ll never know) taught me a new word. Obviously, as a kid, I loved learning things and that’s probably what led to me becoming a teacher. Any-who, that afternoon, my new word was, “Muddafucka.” When my mom tells me (or anyone else) this story, she always mentions how she almost hit the median in the middle of the road. She then explained to me that this was a bad word and that I shouldn’t repeat it. Sorry mom, as an adult… this is one of my favorites!About a week later, I learned another new word at daycare. This time, it was from some a bad ass kid named Tommy. The story goes… “Rikki, what did you learn at daycare today?” “I learned a new word, mommy!” Obviously my mom has now learned to brace herself for anything I’ve learned at daycare. “What word did you learn today?” “Suckin-a-bitch!” Once again, my mom looses her mind and almost hits the sidewalk. Needless to say, I didn’t continue going to daycare there much longer.
- Heavy-D. Growing up in the 90s, I was always surrounded by hip-hop and r&b jams. My mom and I lived in the same apartment for about 15 years, so we always had neighbors coming and going. I remember distinctly this lady that lived above us for a while. We could always hear her walking from room to room. I would always ask my mom, “Who is that making all of that noise?” Every, single, time, my mom would reply and say, “Heavy-D.” Obviously, Heavy-D was big back in the 90s and mom and I would listen to his music all the time. One afternoon, we were coming in the house from running errands and this lady walks in the door just as we’re putting the key into the lock. She complements my mom on how cute I am (duh) and then explains that she’s our neighbor from upstairs. It took me a few seconds and I looked at her and said, “YOU must be Heavy-D!” Mortified, my mom pushes me into the house while the lady says, “I must be.” Whenever my mom brings this up, we laugh and laugh. I guess I should have learned that even at a young age, I didn’t have a filter.
- “I Won’t Fall!” Like the majority of all American children, I always wanted to go to Disney World. My mom and I were finally able to go when I was around 4. It was the trip of a lifetime to me, but my mom didn’t have a great time. I don’t remember much from that trip, but one thing stands out to me. We were in the park, and I was sitting on a banister. My mom told me multiple times, “Get down, you’re going to fall.” I told her multiple times, “No, I won’t! This is fun.” Welp, the last time I said that was the last thing to come out of my mouth until I started screaming. Sure enough, I fell in the damn bush. It wasn’t just any bush though, it was a prickly bush with thorns EVERYWHERE. So now, when my mom tells not to do something, I at least think about it before I do it.
- Avalanche! Growing up, I spent a lot of time with my older cousin, Kia. She was always more like a sister to me. I wanted to do everything she did, go everywhere she went, etc. Once, during a pretty bad winter, we wanted to walk to a near by store to get some snacks. My cousin bundled me up and we went walking. When you left her neighborhood, there was a huge hill that we had to go down in order to make it to the store. She and my other cousin Leah went first, leaving behind us little girls. They weren’t that far ahead of us, but they weren’t very close, either. We were talking and the next thing I remember is falling FACE FIRST down this hill. As I’m crying and trying to wipe freezing cold snow off of my face, my cousin is laughing! She’s not just chuckling, she’s hands on her knees, in tears, laughing. I was so embarrassed! All I wanted to do was go home.
- Liar, Liar. I went to a small Catholic school from kindergarten until 8th grade before continuing onto a Catholic high school. In kindergarten, we could wear whatever we wanted. So, you know your girl was wearing a lot of leggings and Disney shirts! Anyway, 1st grade came around we were beginning to wear those hideous, plaid jumpers. I wasn’t a fan of mine because that required me to sit like a lady and all I wanted to do was run, jump and play Legos spread eagle! My godfather picked me up a lot from school because my mom worked until about 5 or so. One afternoon, he took me to my mom job before taking me on our usual date of the park and McDonalds. So, we get to my mom’s job and my jumper has this tear on it. I swear to my mom up and down that I was pulling it and that it “just tore,” but she obviously wasn’t dumb enough to believe that I could rip my jumper in a straight line… I cut it. I won’t get into it, but I will tell you… This was my FIRST and LAST spanking in public. My godfather felt so bad for me that he still took me to McDonalds though!
- Down falls Rikki. In the 2nd grade, I was in the Christmas play. I played an angel (obviously, this was the PERFECT part for me) and I had to exit the stage gracefully (also perfect because I’m graceful as hell). When I say the stage, I mean the steps leading to the alter at our church. It was my time to shine, the angel had just visited Mary and told her that she was going to have a child and it was time for me to leave and hope the rest of my classmates did as well as I just had. All of that came to a halt when I missed the last step and fell face first in front of the entire congregation. It’s fine. I got up, dusted off my pretty white dress and ran backstage to cry. This is why I no longer share my acting talents with the world.
- Bunny Killer. All of my grade school friends know that St. Margaret Mary’s Field Day was THE BOMB! We got to play with that huge rainbow parachute, run around with our friends and hit other kids with dodge balls. I can remember the day I began to HATE field day. We were doing this contest with whoever jumped further in the grass won points, or something to that effect. Well, I had tiny legs then (still do) and I thought that I was really going to win. So I used all my force and jumped! When I landed… there was a squeak. So, I jumped again. There was another squeak. The chaperons heard it the second time and picked up the patch of grass that I had landed on and discovered a patch of baby bunnies. Let me just tell you: I DID NOT KILL THIS PATCH OF BUNNIES! They were taken to someone’s home and cared for, but I was known as The Bunny Killer until 8th grade. Stupid field day.
- I Hate You, Caleb Nettleton. I met a lot of good friends during my time at Wright State University. One in particular is Caleb. Caleb and I met and we immediately got along. He was hilarious and so was I. We took a lot of classes together because he was also an English major and wanted to be a teacher. Every single class we had together, we would get the giggles. One day, I decided to bring carrots to class (huge mistake). As usual, Cal and I were giggling about something and the professor had already given us the side eye AND verbal warning. Caleb said something, just as I was chewing on my carrot and I started choking. Not just the normal, something is caught in your throat, choking. I was turning red and coughing so much the teacher just looks as both of us and says… “See me after class.” I had never in my life gotten in trouble in college, but thanks to Caleb, we had a meeting with the professor who called us distracting and told us that if we acted this way again, she would kick us out. She didn’t even want to hear about me choking on a damn carrot. It’s fine though, we passed the class and always bring it up in conversation. Don’t ever sit next to your best friend, while eating carrots in a boring class.
- Uh, your dress. As a teacher, you always have to rush to the bathroom and inhale your lunch. It’s so much harder when your best friend is also a teacher and your share the same lunch. One day, I was rushing down to lunch and stopped to use the restroom first. I finally make it down to the lunch room, with hundreds of kids and other teachers and my friend goes, “Please tell me you just went to the bathroom!” I told her that I did and asked her why and she says, “Because your dress is tucked into your tights in the front!” I was mortified. How many kids had I passed in the hall? How many kids saw me like that in the lunch room? How many of my coworkers saw?! I immediately untucked my dress and we laughed almost the entire lunch bell. Imagine not having your friend tell you something like that and continuing on the day teaching. That would have been so much worse, so shout out to Gail!
- “SNIPER GOT ‘ER!” This is by far the most embarrassing thing that has EVER happened to me. One morning, I was walking into school and I hit a slick spot on the concrete. You know, there was oil or something on the ground and I was in sandals and a skirt with my hands full. Let me just tell you… I BIT IT. Not only did I fall, but I ripped my skirt and spilled coffee and water EVERYWHERE. There were kids in the parking lot and the janitor was there and helped me up. I was so embarrassed. It gets worse. During my first bell, I went down to talk to one of the secretaries and tell her what happened to me earlier that morning. She busts out laughing and says, “You know there’s a new camera out there and we can rewind the tape to see.” I immediately tell her to run that shit back. So, we’re sitting there and you see my car pull in and then you see me walking and then I’M DOWN. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, so we kept rewinding and laughing. Finally, I went back to my classroom and my friend Abby comes in and says I have the funniest thing to show you! So she pulls her phone out and there’s me falling on the surveillance camera and in the background you can hear the Dean of Students say, “Sniper got ‘er!” It literally looks like someone has sniped me. Initially, I was pissed that all of these people were laughing at my expense, but now I can say that was the most embarrassing/funniest thing that has ever happened to me. I have the video, so if you ever need a laugh just ask, and I’ll reluctantly share this with you!
There I am… walking into the building!
Thanks for reading everyone! Please share some of your most embarrassing moments in the comments so that I feel like less of a loser! Happy Sunday!