When I initially started by blog, I had in my mind that I would write a new blog every Sunday. The joke was on me because doing this is so hard! I have so many great ideas, but when the time comes to actually develop the ideas so that I can share my humor with you all, things seem to get in the way.
I’m usually exhausted from work, or in a bad mood from work, or I’ve written half of the blog for the week and then realize that maybe it isn’t as funny as I’d originally imagined. Or maybe it’s one of those weeks where I have 62 research papers to read and grade or 26 essays about who is responsible for the the deaths of Romeo and Juliet.
But in between all of this, my students have said some of the FUNNIEST things that must be shared with the rest of you.
I have this hilarious student in my Journalism class and he shares some of the most hilarious stories about his work experiences or things he has done with family. One in particular really made me laugh out loud for a long time the day he said it and still it still makes me chuckle to this day. During class, we weren’t really talking about much of anything, but everything this student says tends to be pretty random. Case in point: “I just thought about this; my aunt used to eat Crisco.”My initial thought was, What the hell? How does this relate to the conversation we were just having as a class? I couldn’t think too much into it because it was just so funny and random. He still says some of the most funny things I’ve ever heard while in the classroom.
So, every semester, I get a new study hall. This year, my study hall went from 11 kids to around 26, which I was not a fan of initially. Some of the students that I’ve gotten to know through the increase have been pretty funny and tend to say some of the most random things. One morning, it was storming pretty hard and a girl comes up to me and says, “Thunder makes me feel like I have to poop.” I’ll never understand her rationale for telling me, an adult she’s never had before, that listening to thunder makes her have to go to the bathroom, but I have to thank her because this made me belly laugh.
- You Remind Me of My Grandma
Over the past few weeks of life as a teacher, my students were able to bring their grandparents to school for Grandparent’s Day. One of my seniors, in particular, was explaining that he was really bummed his grandma couldn’t make it that day. He goes on to say, “I wish my grandma could have come today… you remind me a lot of her.”
…Uh, thanks? The last time I checked, I was 27 years old and although I have the mannerisms of an elderly individual, (early dinner, early bedtime) I’m still young as hell! Needless to say, I did NOT take this as a compliment.
- 10,000 Steps
Students miss school for various reasons, so there are always quizzes to make up or assignments that are turned in late. On this particular day, I had a student that needed to make up a vocabulary quiz. I was at my desk because students were working on some kind of assignment and the student looks over and says, “Hey R Bell, can you bring that quiz over here?” I immediately told him no and to stop being lazy. He then says, “You know you’re trying to get those 10.000 steps in!” Offended is not even the word for how I felt. All I could do was stare at him and not call him an asshole. I have to admit though… it was pretty funny. But, this leads me to the next instance of, “Did they REALLY say that…?”
- Just Call Him Daddy
After my offensive student basically called me fat, I had no idea what to say to him. So, I said, “I want to call you something, but I can’t,” so another student says, “Why don’t you just call him daddy like you did last time?”
This leads to another embarrassing story about myself. I was talking to the same class and I said something, but I guess it sounded like I said, “Daddy” (which I didn’t). So, now all of the kids in that class always being up the fact that I called a student daddy. Lesson learned… Enunciate.
One of the joys about teaching this year is that not only do I teach seniors, but I have one class of freshmen, too. My freshmen are pretty hilarious, but by far the funniest thing one said still makes me laugh today. I can’t even recall what we were talking about, but one student says, out loud, “For the longest time, I thought Montana was a country… I’m not the smartest.” I probably laughed for a solid 10 minutes. I appreciate him being so candid.
- Darwinism Works
I have a couple of students who are in my classroom before homeroom and one morning we were talking about this girl’s hamster that she wanted to give away. I told her that I would ask around because I’m sure someone out there would give their kid a hamster. Another girl abruptly said, “Just set it free outside… Darwinism works!” We just stared at her and then lost it.
- Ms. Bell is Manly
So, there is a homeroom in my room everyday that only has boys (ew) and they say some of the most outlandish things. On this particular day, they were arguing about who was more manly than the rest. One of the most obnoxious kids announces to the class, “Ms. Bell is more manly than anyone in this room!” He immediately got the stink eye from me and said, “I meant it as a compliment! I swear.”
Lies. If I haven’t mentioned it already, high school kids are THE WORST.
- Soap: Slimy or Slippery?
This one doesn’t even need a description. Seniors got bubbles to help celebrate their upcoming graduation and on of the smartest kids I’ve ever taught spilled some on his hands. He complained that it was slimy and I told him that soap was meant to be slimy. He proceeded to say, “Soap’s not meant to be slimy it’s meant to be slippery. They’re not the same.” … I’m pretty sure they’re the same.
- Adding Months
As a part of the upcoming Teacher Appreciation Day, Student Council decided that they wanted to make us calendars. Each department was supposed to dress up like the month they were chosen for. I was talking about this with another teacher whose department wasn’t included, so he said, “They’d have to add an 11th month!” Students and I just stared at him and he tried to correct his mistake by saying, “I subtracted a month instead of adding one.” I didn’t have anything to say after that… I was done for the day.
I’m sure that there are so many more things I could have written about, but these were the ones that popped in my head first. My brain is so full and I writing this post took me way longer than I had intended it to. I hope it was at least chuckle worthy. I swear I’ll post another one next week!